Because of today's date, I feel like I should blog about how I'm feeling...
[Her] palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on [her] sweater already, mom's spaghetti
[She's] nervous, but on the surface [she] looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but [she] keeps on forgetting
What [she] wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
[She] opens [her] mouth, but the words won't come out
[She's] choking how, everybody's joking now
The clock's run out, time's up! Over! Bloh!
Happy New Year's Eve.
Maybe I'll have something more substantial written tomorrow. WWPD-what would Pema do?
:)
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Mumon's Poem
"Hundreds of flowers in spring, the moon in autumn,
A cool breeze in summer, and snow in winter;
If there is no vain cloud in your mind
For you it is a good season."
Truth!
successful philos gathering today <3
A cool breeze in summer, and snow in winter;
If there is no vain cloud in your mind
For you it is a good season."
Truth!
successful philos gathering today <3
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Home As I Know It [for now]
Finally on break. I feel like a survivor :D I kind of miss Portland... but I should also take advantage of this free time when I can drown myself in as much mindless chatter as I'd like.
On July 18th, Edward Sharpe posted, "When it is safe to feel unsafe, U are home."
Today I learned that home is but not limited to:
ordering "salad and bread, please!" with my best friend, a cuddle sesh involving everyone on nastassia's bed, movie night with my mommy, shopping with my mommy, talking religion and politics with my daddy, taking a drive to GB, a Philosophy meeting with the greatest minds i know, watching a cartoon flick with ashtastic, game night at the wallace's, "spinach dip and some queso!" at 10pm, MRBL, reading the New Yorker, making faces at my pups through the window, Toohey&Yearwood, singing along to Three Cheers for Five Years, driving my Jeep called Joni, "baguette&dill", wearing onesie pajamas, long boarding in the Buttes, laying on my bedroom floor and staring at the ceiling, driving by McKinley Park, playing Wii, taking naps on the couch, showering for an hour, going on a walk around the neighborhood, the smell of mom's cooking, quickie drives to Target, fro-yo, Cali Yogurt, and when the easiest thing to feel is content.
On July 18th, Edward Sharpe posted, "When it is safe to feel unsafe, U are home."
Today I learned that home is but not limited to:
ordering "salad and bread, please!" with my best friend, a cuddle sesh involving everyone on nastassia's bed, movie night with my mommy, shopping with my mommy, talking religion and politics with my daddy, taking a drive to GB, a Philosophy meeting with the greatest minds i know, watching a cartoon flick with ashtastic, game night at the wallace's, "spinach dip and some queso!" at 10pm, MRBL, reading the New Yorker, making faces at my pups through the window, Toohey&Yearwood, singing along to Three Cheers for Five Years, driving my Jeep called Joni, "baguette&dill", wearing onesie pajamas, long boarding in the Buttes, laying on my bedroom floor and staring at the ceiling, driving by McKinley Park, playing Wii, taking naps on the couch, showering for an hour, going on a walk around the neighborhood, the smell of mom's cooking, quickie drives to Target, fro-yo, Cali Yogurt, and when the easiest thing to feel is content.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Amazing, Because It Is
"I have seen that all things have their limit, but Your commandment is broad beyond measure."
~Psalms 119.96
~Psalms 119.96
I Like Lists
This post is a little blast from the past. I need to get rid of some sticky notes, so I'm saving them on here instead of a journal...? Probably not a good idea but at the moment I really don't care. This past summer, I set a goal for myself every Sunday night for that week and essentially for the rest of my life. Reading them over is a huge reminder of what a terrible job I'm doing at keeping up with myself, if that makes sense. It does in my head. Here's my list of goals and the random commentary I jotted down at the time [which probably only makes sense to me]...
Week 1: Love in action.
Week 2: Prioritize.
Week 3: RESPECT.
Week 4: Be abnormal.
June 20th, "when college starts, i can be whoever whatever whenever"
Week 5: SPONTANEITY.
Week 6: Finish Eat, Pray, Love.
Week 7: Learn to say goodbye the right way...
Week 8: No embarrassment meter.
Week 9: MAITRI - loving-kindness toward myself.
July 26th, "these goals are practice to introduce myself to me, not to improve me."
Week 10: Understand the essence of friendship...and fun.
Week 11: Pace myself.
August 8th, in regards to week 10, "the past week was straight SHIT. but i kept my goal in mind and came out with this from Pema, 'have no expectations, just be kind.'" [i remember this week like it was yesterday.]
Week 12: A week of extreme love, moderation, and humility.
Week 13: Bring home with me.
August 23rd, "in a good place."
Week 1: Love in action.
Week 2: Prioritize.
Week 3: RESPECT.
Week 4: Be abnormal.
June 20th, "when college starts, i can be whoever whatever whenever"
Week 5: SPONTANEITY.
Week 6: Finish Eat, Pray, Love.
Week 7: Learn to say goodbye the right way...
Week 8: No embarrassment meter.
Week 9: MAITRI - loving-kindness toward myself.
July 26th, "these goals are practice to introduce myself to me, not to improve me."
Week 10: Understand the essence of friendship...and fun.
Week 11: Pace myself.
August 8th, in regards to week 10, "the past week was straight SHIT. but i kept my goal in mind and came out with this from Pema, 'have no expectations, just be kind.'" [i remember this week like it was yesterday.]
Week 12: A week of extreme love, moderation, and humility.
Week 13: Bring home with me.
August 23rd, "in a good place."
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Winter Wonderland
It’s that time of year again! There are three important things that I love the most about the holidays... great weather, great food and great company!
Too excited to be with my family again. The one thing I’m looking forward to most about going home is decorating the Christmas tree with my mama! It’s weird to think that suicide/depression rates increase in the winter. Autumn is when we see a change in the leaves and the weather. Some people think autumn is the season full of change. I’ve thought about it and I’m beginning to view autumn as a transition period, a checkpoint letting people know there’s going to be change. Finally, we move into winter and the end of the year, a time when everyone is reflecting on the past and prepping again for the future. My favorite lines from Winter Song are “The seasons always change and life will find a way. I’ll be your harvester of light and send it out tonight so we can start again.”
I’m still a little unsure about what the message is that I’m trying to get across in this post. All I know is that the point is this is one of my many attempts to get everyone excited for this season. Bundle up, make yourself a chai, get the wood burning, grab a blanket, grab one or two loved ones… or more, pop in a classic winter flick, eat all the food you’ve been burning calories for, and enjoy yourself because you deserve it! Smile until your lips chap. It’s a wonderful life and this is a beautiful world! Also, don’t forget to embrace the change. (ah yes, there it is, that’s the message) Happy Holidays! :)
Too excited to be with my family again. The one thing I’m looking forward to most about going home is decorating the Christmas tree with my mama! It’s weird to think that suicide/depression rates increase in the winter. Autumn is when we see a change in the leaves and the weather. Some people think autumn is the season full of change. I’ve thought about it and I’m beginning to view autumn as a transition period, a checkpoint letting people know there’s going to be change. Finally, we move into winter and the end of the year, a time when everyone is reflecting on the past and prepping again for the future. My favorite lines from Winter Song are “The seasons always change and life will find a way. I’ll be your harvester of light and send it out tonight so we can start again.”
I’m still a little unsure about what the message is that I’m trying to get across in this post. All I know is that the point is this is one of my many attempts to get everyone excited for this season. Bundle up, make yourself a chai, get the wood burning, grab a blanket, grab one or two loved ones… or more, pop in a classic winter flick, eat all the food you’ve been burning calories for, and enjoy yourself because you deserve it! Smile until your lips chap. It’s a wonderful life and this is a beautiful world! Also, don’t forget to embrace the change. (ah yes, there it is, that’s the message) Happy Holidays! :)
Friday, November 12, 2010
Now Playing...
Kids-MGMT
You were a child
Crawling on your knees toward it
Making momma so proud,
But your voice is too loud
We like to watch you laughing,
You pick the insects off plants
No time to think of consequences
Control yourself
Take only what you need from it
A family of trees wanted
To be haunted
The water is warm
But it’s sending me shivers
A baby is born
Crying out for attention
The memories fade
Like looking through a fogged mirror
Decision to decisions are made
And not bought,
But I thought this wouldn’t hurt a lot.
I guess not
Jack's Mannequin acoustic cover
You were a child
Crawling on your knees toward it
Making momma so proud,
But your voice is too loud
We like to watch you laughing,
You pick the insects off plants
No time to think of consequences
Control yourself
Take only what you need from it
A family of trees wanted
To be haunted
The water is warm
But it’s sending me shivers
A baby is born
Crying out for attention
The memories fade
Like looking through a fogged mirror
Decision to decisions are made
And not bought,
But I thought this wouldn’t hurt a lot.
I guess not
Jack's Mannequin acoustic cover
Apology to this blog
Dear Blog number 2,
I’m sorry that I’ve neglected you. This isn’t the first time, and I shouldn’t have done it again. Try to understand that you aren’t the only one I’ve been leaving in the dark. Everyone has been left in the dark in one-way or another. But it’s hard not to do so when I am the type of person who hates complainers, therefore I hate hearing myself fuss to others about me. I can’t ever find the line between when it’s okay to be selfish for a bit, and when the focus shouldn’t be on me, but on others. If I could put a painting of the past few weeks into words it would be sfgbwleitsfblLOVEisdfbsilbun or something like that. Speaking of painting, I’ve thought about taking up finger-painting. Instead I’ve grown accustomed to classical music, holiday jazz, tea, and power naps. I feel different here, or maybe I’m just letting myself out a little bit more. Honesty has definitely reached a climax. It is profoundly scary how much a person can change in 24 hours. With that said, it’s been many many hours since I had my first legitimate breakdown. Since then, I’ve gone through many many changes. I wish I had a daily routine, or a steady group of friends. To show how out of place I am at the moment and how much my mind is on Biology, here’s an example of how I feel. It’s like I’m a photon of light, continuously entering a photosystem, hitting a chlorophyll and exciting electrons, then taking my energy and passing it around to everyone around me, from chlorophyll to chlorophyll, and it never ends, because even when I get accepted by the acceptor, I’m passed on to the second photosystem and it the process starts all over again. Plus side to photosynthesis? It releases oxygen. Blog, try to understand that discouraged has been my profession for a while now, so if I make you feel useless, it’s simply because I am feeling useless. It’s been a common occurrence, but I promise that I’m working on the changes. I told my friend Kelly that I would introduce her to you via this letter. She has her own stories, and I’ve only gotten to hear one of them, but I’m eager to hear more. I think letting her in on some paracia time is allowed at this point. There have actually been a select few, just need to find the right time and place for that style of conversing. Thanks for hearing me out, Blog. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now (rowing, not failing out of calc, not failing out of bio, habitat for humanity, interviews, urban policy…) and I don’t know how I got here, I think I like it, it’s keeping away from you but I’m giving myself another extra push to make an effort toward you. Focusing on more biology this weekend and going to paint ceramics with my cheese croissant. I hope it turns out as tension-relieving as I hope it will!
Love, kim
I’m sorry that I’ve neglected you. This isn’t the first time, and I shouldn’t have done it again. Try to understand that you aren’t the only one I’ve been leaving in the dark. Everyone has been left in the dark in one-way or another. But it’s hard not to do so when I am the type of person who hates complainers, therefore I hate hearing myself fuss to others about me. I can’t ever find the line between when it’s okay to be selfish for a bit, and when the focus shouldn’t be on me, but on others. If I could put a painting of the past few weeks into words it would be sfgbwleitsfblLOVEisdfbsilbun or something like that. Speaking of painting, I’ve thought about taking up finger-painting. Instead I’ve grown accustomed to classical music, holiday jazz, tea, and power naps. I feel different here, or maybe I’m just letting myself out a little bit more. Honesty has definitely reached a climax. It is profoundly scary how much a person can change in 24 hours. With that said, it’s been many many hours since I had my first legitimate breakdown. Since then, I’ve gone through many many changes. I wish I had a daily routine, or a steady group of friends. To show how out of place I am at the moment and how much my mind is on Biology, here’s an example of how I feel. It’s like I’m a photon of light, continuously entering a photosystem, hitting a chlorophyll and exciting electrons, then taking my energy and passing it around to everyone around me, from chlorophyll to chlorophyll, and it never ends, because even when I get accepted by the acceptor, I’m passed on to the second photosystem and it the process starts all over again. Plus side to photosynthesis? It releases oxygen. Blog, try to understand that discouraged has been my profession for a while now, so if I make you feel useless, it’s simply because I am feeling useless. It’s been a common occurrence, but I promise that I’m working on the changes. I told my friend Kelly that I would introduce her to you via this letter. She has her own stories, and I’ve only gotten to hear one of them, but I’m eager to hear more. I think letting her in on some paracia time is allowed at this point. There have actually been a select few, just need to find the right time and place for that style of conversing. Thanks for hearing me out, Blog. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now (rowing, not failing out of calc, not failing out of bio, habitat for humanity, interviews, urban policy…) and I don’t know how I got here, I think I like it, it’s keeping away from you but I’m giving myself another extra push to make an effort toward you. Focusing on more biology this weekend and going to paint ceramics with my cheese croissant. I hope it turns out as tension-relieving as I hope it will!
Love, kim
Monday, October 18, 2010
SBA: Waiting to Board...
This past weekend was my first weekend of fall break. It was also probably the best weekend of my freshman year. Friday night I flew out of Portland to visit beautiful friends in Santa Barbara. I spent Saturday afternoon with Ashley, and Saturday evening with Dani, surprising Stass, and driving to UCLA to visit my best friend since kindergarten. We went out Saturday night and spent Sunday together. Sunday night we drove back to SB and, again, I visited with Ashley and her hysterical housemates.
Leaving Portland on Friday, I was utterly exhausted from schoolwork, keeping up with friends, and keeping track of what I am doing with my life. I’ve realized how ridiculously easy it is to get off track and lose sight of all that you’re working towards. More so nowadays in college, living independently, versus living at home, having parents keeping track of life for you. I am so fortunate and grateful to have been able to reunite with such beautiful friends. This single weekend of seeing my loves, being able to express our love in person, and being able to be a part their new lives, certain that they are good and well is all that I needed to recuperate. I feel grounded again, more alive than my first day of school, more motivated to be true to myself when I venture back to Oregon. Right now, I have everything that I need to live a free life, doing work, succeeding mentally, emotionally, physically, and most of all spiritually.
I have a full week of break ahead of me. Finally, I get to fly home to my warm-hearted puppies, my gracious parents, my perfect full size bed, home cooked meals, television all day, and meetings with various enlightened minds from my sangha! Never in my life have I been this appreciative of everything in its full essence. Thanks to everyone who has taken part or will be taking part in this rejuvenating, week long, first Fall Break of the next momentous four years!!!
Now Playing!
Leaving Portland on Friday, I was utterly exhausted from schoolwork, keeping up with friends, and keeping track of what I am doing with my life. I’ve realized how ridiculously easy it is to get off track and lose sight of all that you’re working towards. More so nowadays in college, living independently, versus living at home, having parents keeping track of life for you. I am so fortunate and grateful to have been able to reunite with such beautiful friends. This single weekend of seeing my loves, being able to express our love in person, and being able to be a part their new lives, certain that they are good and well is all that I needed to recuperate. I feel grounded again, more alive than my first day of school, more motivated to be true to myself when I venture back to Oregon. Right now, I have everything that I need to live a free life, doing work, succeeding mentally, emotionally, physically, and most of all spiritually.
I have a full week of break ahead of me. Finally, I get to fly home to my warm-hearted puppies, my gracious parents, my perfect full size bed, home cooked meals, television all day, and meetings with various enlightened minds from my sangha! Never in my life have I been this appreciative of everything in its full essence. Thanks to everyone who has taken part or will be taking part in this rejuvenating, week long, first Fall Break of the next momentous four years!!!
Now Playing!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Build one! Build two! Build three!
For the past few days, I've been on the hunt for a fun and interesting Crew t-shirt. Today I was thinking about how none have topped my buddy's shirt, so I might just have to get one of my own. Oh! And I just realized that I must officially be a part of the crew cult if I find this nerdy stuff funny...
Here's what it says:
Top 10 Reasons Why Rowing is Better Than Sex
10. You can row with minors and not get arrested.
9. You do not have to worry where your oar has been before.
8. Two words: "cox box".
7. You can row with up to seven people at the same time.
6. Your oar will never give you a S.T.D. (except crabs).
5. Female rowers give Head races a new name.
4. Let's face it, it's not.
3. When rowing you have a coach to tell you what you did wrong.
2. After a good hard row, everybody is satisfied.
and number 1.
In rowing, the catch is aggressive, the hands quick, the slide smooth, the drive powerful, and the oar is always hard.
:)
Here's what it says:
Top 10 Reasons Why Rowing is Better Than Sex
10. You can row with minors and not get arrested.
9. You do not have to worry where your oar has been before.
8. Two words: "cox box".
7. You can row with up to seven people at the same time.
6. Your oar will never give you a S.T.D. (except crabs).
5. Female rowers give Head races a new name.
4. Let's face it, it's not.
3. When rowing you have a coach to tell you what you did wrong.
2. After a good hard row, everybody is satisfied.
and number 1.
In rowing, the catch is aggressive, the hands quick, the slide smooth, the drive powerful, and the oar is always hard.
:)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
That one boy...
Welp! It finally happened. Yes, I did it. I found my quiet spot, my happy place. This little piece of heaven is located right on the Willamette River just a 2 mile bike ride, or run, away, and coincidentally called Cathedral Park. Crossing over the park and the river is the St. Johns Bridge, which from what I’ve read is an official historical landmark. Also, the park is believed to be one of the spots in the Vancouver-Portland area that the Lewis and Clark expedition landed. This all sounds fine and dandy but it’s not why I crave being there, especially since I didn’t know about these facts until after declaring it my happy place.
Cathedral has done two incredibly noteworthy things for me. One is that it’s given me a getaway. The freedom that I feel when laying in the silent, cool grass, the amount of pressure that is released during the bike ride, and the mystery in the forest on the other side of the bridge all add up, giving me beautiful gifts of contentment and tranquility. The second thing is love. Being there for me strikes a love for laughter, delightful foods, great conversation, and love itself.
Not living at my physical home for quite some time has made me truly understand what home is as oppose to where it is. Essentially, home sits wherever my heart sits. With that said, I’ve distinguished many homes, and I’m so thankful to be able to say that Cathedral Park can be added to that list. Lastly, if you’re special enough, I can share it with you.
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