Apology to this blog

Dear Blog number 2,

I’m sorry that I’ve neglected you. This isn’t the first time, and I shouldn’t have done it again. Try to understand that you aren’t the only one I’ve been leaving in the dark. Everyone has been left in the dark in one-way or another. But it’s hard not to do so when I am the type of person who hates complainers, therefore I hate hearing myself fuss to others about me. I can’t ever find the line between when it’s okay to be selfish for a bit, and when the focus shouldn’t be on me, but on others. If I could put a painting of the past few weeks into words it would be sfgbwleitsfblLOVEisdfbsilbun or something like that. Speaking of painting, I’ve thought about taking up finger-painting. Instead I’ve grown accustomed to classical music, holiday jazz, tea, and power naps. I feel different here, or maybe I’m just letting myself out a little bit more. Honesty has definitely reached a climax. It is profoundly scary how much a person can change in 24 hours. With that said, it’s been many many hours since I had my first legitimate breakdown. Since then, I’ve gone through many many changes. I wish I had a daily routine, or a steady group of friends. To show how out of place I am at the moment and how much my mind is on Biology, here’s an example of how I feel. It’s like I’m a photon of light, continuously entering a photosystem, hitting a chlorophyll and exciting electrons, then taking my energy and passing it around to everyone around me, from chlorophyll to chlorophyll, and it never ends, because even when I get accepted by the acceptor, I’m passed on to the second photosystem and it the process starts all over again. Plus side to photosynthesis? It releases oxygen. Blog, try to understand that discouraged has been my profession for a while now, so if I make you feel useless, it’s simply because I am feeling useless. It’s been a common occurrence, but I promise that I’m working on the changes. I told my friend Kelly that I would introduce her to you via this letter. She has her own stories, and I’ve only gotten to hear one of them, but I’m eager to hear more. I think letting her in on some paracia time is allowed at this point. There have actually been a select few, just need to find the right time and place for that style of conversing. Thanks for hearing me out, Blog. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now (rowing, not failing out of calc, not failing out of bio, habitat for humanity, interviews, urban policy…) and I don’t know how I got here, I think I like it, it’s keeping away from you but I’m giving myself another extra push to make an effort toward you. Focusing on more biology this weekend and going to paint ceramics with my cheese croissant. I hope it turns out as tension-relieving as I hope it will!

Love, kim